About cjon : Hate life
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cjon's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
by Brooke / 01/15/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Mary / 01/13/2013 at 10:49am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 8:06am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Amathiel / 12/29/2012 at 10:23am / Norway (Sogn og Fjordane) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:07am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by oh my son / 12/23/2012 at 1:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
by orgasmicriding / 12/22/2012 at 5:55pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation
by Ape / 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by slenderman908 / 12/10/2012 at 6:41am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
by Tonguetied0496 / 12/10/2012 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML
by karmamaybe / 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
- Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, my live in boyfriend has been giving me the silent treatment for the last three days because…