About cjon : Hate life
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cjon's favorite FMLs
by LucidNightmare / 01/27/2013 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
by movingout / 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
by Anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 3:42am / United States (Alaska) / Kids
by Lauren324 / 01/26/2013 at 2:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML
by Sarah / 01/26/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 7:17pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous
by daddy's girl / 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 12:04pm / United States / Love
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
by black and yellow / 01/21/2013 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
by musicalrose_21 / 01/20/2013 at 7:27am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
by veggieluver / 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
by I think its dead / 01/15/2013 at 2:33am / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
- Today, my loneliness hit an all time low when I actually considered "accidentally" texting a random… Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, I had already undressed her… Today I received a phone call for a reservation (I'm a B&B owner) for 12 firefighters (he said they…