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chaos212's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML
by WoWWidow / 09/02/2011 at 4:02am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML
by Kathryn / 08/13/2011 at 6:31am / Belgium / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:32pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my three month anniversary with my girlfriend and so I decided to bake her a cake from scratch. It took me three hours, a call to my mom, three different recipe books, and half my pantry. On the way to her house, I stopped to pick up flowers and left the cake in the car. It melted. FML
by sadman / 05/07/2011 at 7:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML
by Anonymous / 03/20/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2011 at 11:04am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
by Anonymous / 02/22/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Love
by Someone / 02/22/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML
by academicloser / 02/22/2011 at 12:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 02/22/2011 at 2:07am / Miscellaneous
Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML
by surfergal91 / 02/14/2011 at 3:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML
by Mikabe / 02/14/2011 at 1:51pm / Sweden (Varmlands Lan) / Kids
- Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her… Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck…