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chaos212's favorite FMLs
Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML
by Buttscratcher / 03/03/2012 at 11:12am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML
by fingerhut / 03/03/2012 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Health
by bannana0zoom / 03/03/2012 at 3:06am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
by Sean / 03/03/2012 at 2:33am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation
Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML
by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 10:05pm / United States / Love
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML
by argh / 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Ashleigh / 03/02/2012 at 5:53pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2011 at 3:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML
by Unluckiest Guy of the group / 09/28/2011 at 3:26pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by failure / 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/07/2011 at 7:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…