Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

certde

Search for a member

certde

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1714
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

certde's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

certde's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

#9042400
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37186) - you deserved it (7308)

On 03/13/2010 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24154) - you deserved it (12553)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML

#8746322
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27944) - you deserved it (2668)

On 03/01/2010 at 11:59am - kids - by nd.11 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

#8742333
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11087) - you deserved it (41250)

On 03/01/2010 at 4:13am - animals - by ItHurtsLIkeHell (man) - Malaysia (Pulau Pinang)

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

#8686937
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28749) - you deserved it (3407)

On 02/27/2010 at 10:58am - misc - by msmusiclover7 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28201) - you deserved it (8131)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

#8646010
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7049) - you deserved it (44404)

On 02/25/2010 at 7:14pm - health - by djshahso - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

#8642847
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41162) - you deserved it (3468)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by Ringless - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

#8607847
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33776) - you deserved it (1932)

On 02/24/2010 at 1:29am - work - by argh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

#8607847
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33776) - you deserved it (1932)

On 02/24/2010 at 1:29am - work - by argh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

#8578589
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21037) - you deserved it (10270)

On 02/23/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by itsawonderfulife (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14471) - you deserved it (22751)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

#8551677
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32930) - you deserved it (3223)

On 02/22/2010 at 11:38am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22696) - you deserved it (5698)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: