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certde

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certde

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  • Number of visits : 1245
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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certde's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

#9042400
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33647) - you deserved it (6806)

On 03/13/2010 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20600) - you deserved it (11308)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML

#8746322
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24164) - you deserved it (2350)

On 03/01/2010 at 11:59am - kids - by nd.11 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

#8742333
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9418) - you deserved it (37296)

On 03/01/2010 at 4:13am - animals - by ItHurtsLIkeHell (man) - Malaysia (Pulau Pinang)

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

#8686937
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25800) - you deserved it (3118)

On 02/27/2010 at 10:58am - misc - by msmusiclover7 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24949) - you deserved it (7676)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

#8646010
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5790) - you deserved it (39851)

On 02/25/2010 at 7:14pm - health - by djshahso - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

#8642847
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36771) - you deserved it (3116)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by Ringless - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

#8607847
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30414) - you deserved it (1703)

On 02/24/2010 at 1:29am - work - by argh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

#8607847
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30414) - you deserved it (1703)

On 02/24/2010 at 1:29am - work - by argh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

#8578589
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17609) - you deserved it (9497)

On 02/23/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by itsawonderfulife (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12329) - you deserved it (20201)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

#8551677
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29592) - you deserved it (2921)

On 02/22/2010 at 11:38am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19574) - you deserved it (5142)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States



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