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carlomanden

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carlomanden

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 4 January 1997 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 278
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About carlomanden : Why are you reading this?

carlomanden's page activity

Visits<b>kangx1</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:07pm<b>shoeberri</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 10:31am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:16pm

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carlomanden's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42211) - you deserved it (2992)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML

#20146765
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22713) - you deserved it (2084)

On 11/04/2012 at 2:28am - misc - by Chuffy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32941) - you deserved it (4901)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

#20107826
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8776) - you deserved it (37571)

On 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

#20102415
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50379) - you deserved it (2175)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36001) - you deserved it (2753)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

#19856741
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23741) - you deserved it (2846)

On 06/27/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by fired (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

#17294621
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33112) - you deserved it (6135)

On 07/29/2011 at 2:56am - love - by Tallulah (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74149) - you deserved it (6997)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

#14442840
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38030) - you deserved it (6213)

On 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

#13850566
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77977) - you deserved it (4398)

On 11/15/2010 at 6:33am - misc - by xkal174 - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

#13588897
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10666) - you deserved it (63297)

On 10/25/2010 at 11:06am - misc - by leve80paladin (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

#4932229
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26719) - you deserved it (49535)

On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

#2330424
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61821) - you deserved it (20252)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:06am - love - by sounfair90 (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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