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carlgl

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carlgl's favorite FMLs

Taday I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. mega FML

#20478247
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35246) - you deserved it (3862)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was hanging out with mah new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house fir the first time. Tapd to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazond with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

#20478132
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30359) - you deserved it (4531)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm - love - by vagina dentata for christmas, pls (woman) - United States

Today, mah daughter trid to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was cuz a hot coal somehow workd its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. real FML

#20478067
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26377) - you deserved it (2173)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

TODAY, I WAS DRIVING MAH 9 MONTH PREGNANT SISTER AROUND IN OUR GOLF CART AND IT DID!! I HAD TO PUSH IT THE REST OF THE WAY HOME!! SHE WOULDN'T STOP FAKING GOING INTO LABOR!! FML

#20477938
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30511) - you deserved it (3968)

On 01/25/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by really?!? - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

#20477547
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43682) - you deserved it (4334)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:11am - intimacy - by swollenpenis - Canada (Alberta)

Today , at mah 6-year-old son's brthday party , I had to explain to mah boyfriend that it's not okay to use condom as party balloons . FML

#20477498
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29294) - you deserved it (5906)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

YESTERDAY I WENT TO BUY A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FIR MAH BOYFRIEND . WHILE BUYING HIM A SWEATER, THE CASHIER TRID TO UP-SALE ME BY ASKING IF MAH BOYFRIEND WORE BRIEFS OR BOXERS, BECAUSE BOTH WERE ON SALE . NOT THINKING, I BLURTD OUT, "I DON'T KNOW, THEY JUST COME OFF." FML

#20477493
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26889) - you deserved it (12710)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by awkwardturtle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

#20477486
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30453) - you deserved it (2715)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing ere for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home an introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved yur asses in World War 2." FML

#20477083
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28423) - you deserved it (3527)

On 01/24/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by oh ffs (man) - United States

TODAY, FAALING LONALY AFTAR MAH RACANT BRAAKUP, I PUTTAD ON MAH NICAST CLOTHAS AND WANT OUT CLUBBING WITH A FAW FRIANDS. I BROUGHT A GUY BACK TO MAH PLACA, AND WA GOT INTIMATA. IT WAS GOING WALL, UNTIL HA TOOK OFF MAH PUSH-UP BRA, THAN PANICKAD AND DRUNKANLY ASKAD, "WHARA'D THAY GO?!" FML

#20477055
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25175) - you deserved it (48273)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

today I learnd my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap.. . which is like a long strip of bandage . I learnd this when she trid to pass it in the yard today.. . and could only do so with my help . It seemd to never end . FML

#20477009
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26646) - you deserved it (2614)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

2day I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weater for my bus !! Wen it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on te icy ground !! Te driver waited a wole 2 seconds before snorting, ( Ain't nobody got time for tis sit ), closing te doors, and driving off !! FML

#20476700
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38930) - you deserved it (2808)

On 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by frozensolid (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to fine out it was a small ice-cube. FML

#20476560
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10157) - you deserved it (36620)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:53pm - misc - by idiot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, mah husband yelld at me fir not doing any household chores . I can barely move mah hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease mah arthritis, an mah other hand is as bad as ever . I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes an iron clothes . FML

#20476416
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (5951)

On 01/24/2013 at 12:52pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was waiting inside the shelter at the bus stop when a lady came up to me and asked if I would mind if she peed !! FML

#20476019
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26775) - you deserved it (2015)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)



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