carlgl

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carlgl

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 4905
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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carlgl's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

by trina / 03/22/2009 at 5:05am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

by clementine_k / 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

by ihatevideos / 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

by Raw95 / 03/15/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

by monty / 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

by ch / 03/04/2009 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

by wideman / 02/28/2009 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

by mylifeeee / 02/25/2009 at 12:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

by OutoftheLoop / 02/20/2009 at 4:24am / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

by alhummel21 / 02/12/2009 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

by bm / 02/11/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

by Flavorite / 02/10/2009 at 2:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

by imwrong / 02/10/2009 at 6:59am / Philippines (Rizal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

by ruffrider / 02/05/2009 at 9:09am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy