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carlgl

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carlgl

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  • Number of visits : 1831
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carlgl's favorite FMLs

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

#544318
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94275) - you deserved it (8201)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

#526932
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95556) - you deserved it (7224)

On 03/22/2009 at 5:05am - intimacy - by trina (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

#520285
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90540) - you deserved it (32917)

On 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by clementine_k (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

#500940
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63281) - you deserved it (9376)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (175854) - you deserved it (34463)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

#333270
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46939) - you deserved it (22409)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:20am - love - by Raw95 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54813) - you deserved it (11679)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

#203751
457 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37235) - you deserved it (82921)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:40am - money - by ch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15095) - you deserved it (59543)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

#132596
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60068) - you deserved it (5006)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by mylifeeee - United States (Virginia)

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

#86332
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68639) - you deserved it (3070)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

#29912
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (162347) - you deserved it (47420)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by alhummel21 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

#25739
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32245) - you deserved it (2170)

On 02/11/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by bm (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

#20879
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35467) - you deserved it (2344)

On 02/10/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by Flavorite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

#20165
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7044) - you deserved it (58051)

On 02/10/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by imwrong (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)



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