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carlgl

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  • Number of visits : 3164
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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carlgl's favorite FMLs

Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML

#1215114
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22969) - you deserved it (43404)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

#1141291
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15185) - you deserved it (65707)

On 04/20/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by steph (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML

#914206
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57798) - you deserved it (8640)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:13pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my younger brother watched an old music video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

#894121
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78955) - you deserved it (4124)

On 04/09/2009 at 10:43pm - misc - by FML4evs (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

#873540
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16642) - you deserved it (77368)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by UGH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

#871042
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111521) - you deserved it (5750)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

#852008
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13181) - you deserved it (75387)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by gotmon3y (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

#825703
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10490) - you deserved it (93781)

On 04/05/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by Triedtobecool (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

#813420
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75514) - you deserved it (4376)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Geewizz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71545) - you deserved it (18498)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

#737315
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54931) - you deserved it (4690)

On 03/31/2009 at 11:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

#660831
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95463) - you deserved it (5145)

On 03/28/2009 at 12:50pm - misc - by Lolrus - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

#548687
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60762) - you deserved it (8988)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Ltl_Dust_Bunny (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, me and couple of friends were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car at 30 that had stopped to help her. FML

#546076
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8510) - you deserved it (93525)

On 03/23/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by mbrooke (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

#544318
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99441) - you deserved it (8758)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)



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