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carlgl

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carlgl
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  • Number of visits : 1261
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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carlgl's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14108) - you deserved it (36243)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

#4992541
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38814) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51913) - you deserved it (4130)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10661) - you deserved it (66560)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

#4034101
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35596) - you deserved it (20916)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

#3997843
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32978) - you deserved it (18266)

On 07/24/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

#3991086
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53111) - you deserved it (24655)

On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML

#3945236
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55682) - you deserved it (5863)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by vomitingnow (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

#3833567
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47142) - you deserved it (4542)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:24pm - love - by Shocked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

#3668962
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39327) - you deserved it (27396)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:22pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

#3637305
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32353) - you deserved it (18460)

On 07/10/2009 at 11:08am - work - by unemployed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

#3528123
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49245) - you deserved it (6169)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51773) - you deserved it (8136)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

#3203701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42953) - you deserved it (2582)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:22pm - work - by KP (man) - United States (Texas)



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