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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML
by almost jobless / 07/11/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Work
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
by Oraashi / 06/26/2012 at 1:18pm / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Love
Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 7:38am / Italy / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML
by ExplosiveDildo / 06/22/2012 at 9:08am / Afghanistan / Geek
by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by fmmmmlll / 06/12/2012 at 1:29am / United States / Health
Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML
by Anon127 / 06/11/2012 at 10:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
by in_hardik / 06/10/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Work
by Brax / 05/30/2012 at 5:46am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after dieting, rigorous exercising and a major lifestyle change, I have finally reached my fitness goal. My parents were more excited about my 17-year-old brother getting to 3rd base with his girlfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML
by ordinaryday / 05/22/2012 at 8:21am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 4:04pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
by Snickers / 05/12/2012 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
by Class / 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…