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Why am I up so early?
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
by Username / 05/26/2011 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML
by hornyloser / 05/02/2011 at 2:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by cdn_steed / 04/23/2011 at 9:11am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML
by emm / 03/18/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML
by yingyang2 / 01/05/2011 at 9:19pm / United States / Kids
Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML
by phonesage / 12/13/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Love
by Username / 11/06/2010 at 1:18am / France / Kids
Today, it is my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML
by sambo99 / 10/25/2010 at 1:08pm / United Kingdom (Herefordshire) / Animals
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by dimtsis / 07/28/2010 at 9:24pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health
Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML
by mauimango7 / 07/27/2010 at 6:07am / United States (California) / Health
by Camille / 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML
by TheSickness / 05/28/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML
by anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 10:16am / United States / Love