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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health
by anonymous / 02/18/2012 at 5:07pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
by BOOP / 02/17/2012 at 8:25am / United States (Montana) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
by dummy / 02/16/2012 at 7:03pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I dropped my bag to run after my two year old who had bolted in the parking lot. Once he was in his seat, I got in and drove away. I felt two large thumps as I drove over my own iPad, cellphone and wallet. FML
by ray / 02/16/2012 at 1:36pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by mypoolisstilldirty / 02/16/2012 at 11:26am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML
by Jeathrow / 02/16/2012 at 10:01am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by JukeboxValkyrie / 02/16/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by TerribleAddiction / 02/15/2012 at 12:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 12:18am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 8:06pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
by Bonapp / 02/09/2012 at 5:11pm / France / Miscellaneous
by A / 02/09/2012 at 1:37am / United States / Animals