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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
by Austin Franklin / 03/18/2012 at 7:41am / United States / Love
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by noneedtostress / 03/17/2012 at 11:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML
by Winx / 03/16/2012 at 3:13am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
by StinkyandStupid / 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 03/15/2012 at 7:50am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML
by Bebefer / 03/15/2012 at 3:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by CallaC / 03/14/2012 at 10:01pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by me / 03/14/2012 at 11:19am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
by Simms / 03/13/2012 at 10:32pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 9:20am / United States (New Mexico) / Love
by Sharibabi65 / 03/07/2012 at 1:16am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Alex / 03/06/2012 at 7:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/29/2012 at 5:07am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of… Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a… Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made…