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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
by needurlove / 04/15/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Idaho) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 5:43am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
by CantPublish / 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML
by clinictime / 04/11/2012 at 7:05pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health
by mista_sandy / 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML
by missclitter / 04/09/2012 at 2:18pm / United States / Love
by Ew. / 04/09/2012 at 11:22am / United Kingdom / Animals
by stupidbug. / 04/09/2012 at 4:28am / Canada / Animals
Today, while I was getting out of the shower, I saw a spider climb into the ceiling vent. Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on the fan. It came out, along with a dozen of its friends. FML
by dcort / 04/08/2012 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by jess / 04/08/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by bman / 04/07/2012 at 2:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML
by Sadboy / 04/06/2012 at 10:24am / United States / Miscellaneous