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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
by 504-A1 / 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Bridget / 05/06/2012 at 2:01pm / United Kingdom / Love
by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health
by dentistrygirl / 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm / United States / Intimacy
by noname / 04/27/2012 at 8:04am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML
by Magicgwen / 04/26/2012 at 4:45pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
by Aus / 04/26/2012 at 10:43am / United States / Love
Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML
by Diffy / 04/26/2012 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
by KC / 04/25/2012 at 4:06pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML
by Jaclk / 04/24/2012 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by GogoTheGreat / 04/23/2012 at 10:12pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by sadmommy / 04/23/2012 at 6:51pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by yikes / 04/21/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Animals
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 8:38am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…