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Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML
I agree, your life sucks (16386) - you deserved it (1786)
On 03/30/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by sad (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6375) - you deserved it (15303)
On 03/29/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by greeneyedpothead - United States (California)
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30267) - you deserved it (8666)
On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a women asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16771) - you deserved it (3557)
On 03/22/2012 at 12:56am - work - by Atheist (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8163) - you deserved it (45148)
On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16870) - you deserved it (1989)
On 03/20/2012 at 7:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)
Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17932) - you deserved it (1144)
On 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm - animals - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)
Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22122) - you deserved it (1868)
On 03/18/2012 at 4:02pm - misc - by Rapunzel (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (2088)
On 03/18/2012 at 11:04am - work - by cachucy - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6195) - you deserved it (28946)
On 03/18/2012 at 7:41am - love - by Austin Franklin - United States
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20568) - you deserved it (3267)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26128) - you deserved it (6804)
On 03/17/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by noneedtostress - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18714) - you deserved it (7200)
On 03/16/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by Winx - United States (Alaska)
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5693) - you deserved it (22128)
On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States
Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21590) - you deserved it (2183)
On 03/15/2012 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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