About calilovesneb : .
calilovesneb's FML badges
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
by etgohome / 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML
by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML
by JustSayNo / 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health
by fml / 08/10/2013 at 6:48am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 6:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 11:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by cheated / 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML
by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by yoshithecat / 07/19/2013 at 8:31am / United Kingdom (Slough) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/16/2013 at 9:12pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
- Today, I went for an operation. Only to walk out with my gallbladder still there and the news I am… Today, my SO started to lecture me on how caffeine is bad for the baby. I breastfeed our daughter.… Today, I found out that a very close friend of mine masturbates to photos of me on my Instagram and…
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.…