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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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calilovesneb's favorite FMLs
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
by etgohome / 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML
by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML
by JustSayNo / 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health
by fml / 08/10/2013 at 6:48am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 6:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 11:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by cheated / 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML
by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by yoshithecat / 07/19/2013 at 8:31am / United Kingdom (Slough) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/16/2013 at 9:12pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…