cabbagebrain

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cabbagebrain

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 12 April 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 883
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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cabbagebrain's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 8:38am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML

by ilovechickens / 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm / United States / Animals

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

by keyless / 04/14/2012 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

by CantPublish / 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

by kayadd33 / 04/10/2012 at 10:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

by Lee / 04/09/2012 at 11:50pm / United States / Animals

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML

by anniemeece / 04/07/2012 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

by tessamarque / 04/05/2012 at 11:07am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML

by Kilimanjaro / 04/03/2012 at 12:41am / France / Miscellaneous