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bsmothers13's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by ww2freak / 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
by 504-A1 / 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Djcc / 02/21/2012 at 1:03pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by OH COME ON / 12/29/2011 at 10:48am / United States (New York) / Health
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by whatadisappointmnet / 11/05/2011 at 2:58pm / United States / Intimacy
by backstabbed / 10/29/2011 at 3:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my boyfriend bitched me out for being too controlling. Apparently, not only am I being unreasonable by not wanting him visiting strip clubs with his friends, I'm also just "looking for excuses to get mad" at him. FML
by inlovewithstupid / 09/04/2011 at 12:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by Username / 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 3:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals
- Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…