About brianjman14 : Name is Brian. I'm not 14, just an easy-to-remember online name for me.
brianjman14's FML badges
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You sure know how to party?
You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!
brianjman14's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
by demk / 08/20/2009 at 10:51am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML
by JazzSpazz / 08/11/2009 at 2:40am / United States (California) / Love
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
by sandwichsex / 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML
by Cowan / 08/06/2009 at 8:27am / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 4:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Toaster / 07/30/2009 at 11:11am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2009 at 7:13am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
by hungryman / 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spend two hours inside a bar talking about how I never worry about my boyfriend cheating on me when he travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to have such a great relationship. When we all decided to go out on the patio for a smoke, we saw him making out with someone else. FML
by sykotoaster / 07/13/2009 at 6:09pm / United States / Love
by Inod / 07/07/2009 at 10:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
by satanlovesme / 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML
by AyoitsSteveo / 05/24/2009 at 5:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just… Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this… Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have…