About breberry304 : I'm AJ, I'm eighteen, and I love FML.
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breberry304's favorite FMLs
Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency room. How? Apparently the sneeze dislodged a kidney stone that is now slowly, painfully working its way from my kidney to my bladder so that I can piss it out. FML
by work_while_bent / 06/02/2015 at 1:21pm / United States (California) / Health
by bonehead69 / 05/31/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 10:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by SOTS4335 / 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by comfort_ / 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by kysier / 03/01/2015 at 6:36pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML
by Anonymous / 01/31/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2015 at 1:41am / United States (Georgia) / Love
by wow / 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML
by mellielynnemily / 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm / United States / Love
Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2014 at 3:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Love
by jake / 08/12/2014 at 6:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids