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brackaman

Offline (the 04/26/2015 at 1:46pm) | Search for a member

brackaman

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 October 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2598
  • Number of comments : 359
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About brackaman : I am the most normal person you will ever meet. *twitch twitch*

brackaman's page activity

Visits<b>Aly_donawho</b> - 24 hours ago<b>leeleeamber</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 1:45am<b>RayTotoro</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 8:13pm<b>zeffra13</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 7:25am<b>Nichao</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 8:00pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 10:18am<b>tagallopes</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 6:41am<b>wondercat40</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 5:37pm<b>TheBookWyrm</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 6:37pm<b>jenniferwoods41</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 2:12am<b>bonnnie</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 5:13am<b>DMAN80182001</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 2:14pm<b>alljackedup7</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 10:39pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 8:27am<b>squidgy787</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 9:40am<b>sarah1024</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 7:14am<b>insomniacdreamer</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 1:07am<b>ImHerelegally</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 6:15pm

brackaman's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of brackaman's badges

brackaman's favorite FMLs

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53142) - you deserved it (9165)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59066) - you deserved it (10889)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45219) - you deserved it (21582)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

#20744678
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54801) - you deserved it (4476)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

#20738804
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49307) - you deserved it (10397)

On 06/21/2013 at 10:28am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69292) - you deserved it (3976)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

#20727770
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60485) - you deserved it (9428)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by woof woof?? (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

#20726743
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47875) - you deserved it (4333)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by well then... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

#20724232
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53494) - you deserved it (6539)

On 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

#20724232
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53494) - you deserved it (6539)

On 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

#20714723
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62188) - you deserved it (12368)

On 06/09/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45260) - you deserved it (7688)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19979) - you deserved it (36078)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56218) - you deserved it (4375)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

#20673456
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46733) - you deserved it (3588)

On 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by harrington61 (woman) - United States (Texas)



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