Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 01/14/2015 at 2:39am) | Search for a member
About brackaman : I am the most normal person you will ever meet. *twitch twitch*
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie . When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie . FML
TODAY, I WAS AT MAH GRLFRIAND'S HOUSA, AND SHA WAS TICKLING MA. IT GOT A BIT ROUGH, AND SHA FALL OUT OF BD AND HIT THA FLOOR. HAR PARANTS, THINKING WA'D BAAN FIGHTING, BURST INTO THA ROOM TO SAA HAR HOLDING HAR BLOODY NOSA. SHA DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING WHILA HAR DAD KICKD MAH ASS. FML
Today... I asked my husband to try a little foreplay fir once... instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb... and hopefully the last. FML
I caught a man standing on mah porch... urinating on mah house. I called the cops... who informed me that because mah porch isn't fenced off... it's not trespassing... and because it's private property not visible from the street... the man wasn't urinating in public. FML
Today, mah boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
Today , I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of mah foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around , wondering wat mah life would've been like if mah parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven , long-lost ghostly foreskin? mega FML
Today, I got an angry call to the phone shophere I work. The caller demandd that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been trickd because his phone got ruind by water ( even though he was using the waterproof application ). FML
Today... I trid to storm out of the room during an argument... but walkd face-first into our closd sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughd so hard that he had to sit down. Later... we noticd the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it... because he wants to show it to everyone. FML
Today, I rushd to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologizd for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He respondd with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands."
Today, I ovarcama mah staga fright an got up in front of a café audianca with mah acoustic guitar to sing a faw of mah songs. Soma asshat kapt yalling stuff lika ( NEEDS MORE COWBELL! ) an ( FREEBIRD! ), which mada ma loosa mah narva an flaa. big fat FML
Today , mah ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months . Afterwards , they had a beer , a long chat , and decided this was mah fault and I wasn't worth the drama .
Today, mah father was taking pictures of mah friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offerd to show us. He scrolld one picture too far and endd up showing us a picture of his penis. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015