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bls27's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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bls27's favorite FMLs
Today, while working security at my job, for the second time, a man with Down's Syndrome entered the store, went to one of the demo computers, opened YouTube, pulled up a video of oiled women wrestling and jerked off. There is no protocol in the handbook for how to deal with this scenario. FML
by Bishop423 / 07/22/2015 at 12:21am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML
by henhouse / 07/18/2015 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 11:40am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
by gassy / 07/15/2015 at 7:15am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Andrew / 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/11/2015 at 1:03am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by KaylaRox1908 / 07/07/2015 at 10:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
by notacreep / 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML
by madisonnkelly / 07/05/2015 at 11:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
by alison / 07/04/2015 at 1:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm / United States / Kids
by stink / 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 11:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous