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bls27's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
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bls27's favorite FMLs
Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML
by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 2:53am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML
by ScarredDaughter / 03/29/2016 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 1:13pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML
by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/24/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML
by RIPLife / 03/24/2016 at 10:03am / Switzerland (Geneve) / Work
Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML
by Grimmy / 03/17/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML
by Disgruntled / 03/16/2016 at 8:01am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, my class was given the assignment to have an informal discussion, debating who would be the best fit for president of the US. The school's security guards were called in after the Trump supporters started fights with everyone else. FML
by Off to Canada / 03/16/2016 at 3:48am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous
Today, after a lot of complaints from other members, I told an old lady at the gym I work at that she couldn't sit in the sauna naked. She responded by grabbing her boobs and shaking them in my face. I don't get paid enough for this. FML
by rapunzel3416 / 03/14/2016 at 2:31am / United States (California) / Work
by sick of this shit / 03/12/2016 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML
by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by oops / 03/04/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by killme / 02/29/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML
by ishyboo / 02/27/2016 at 5:59pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…