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  • Number of visits : 4415
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bls27's page activity

Visits<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 03/04/2014 at 10:33am<b>shaww</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 10:32pm<b>1tsmenoah</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 10:29pm

bls27's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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bls27's favorite FMLs

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

by Erin / 05/09/2016 at 10:18pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I started my first training day using an MRI machine and completely forgot to remove my nipple piercings before I went in. I've never experienced a pain so vile and lingering in my life. FML

by somuchhatesolittleworld / 05/09/2016 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, for Mother's Day, I surprised my Mother with the news I that I'll be visiting in June. The last time we got to visit was 4 years ago, we live 4000 miles apart and it's a very expensive trip. She said, "No, come next June, I want to lose some more weight before seeing you." FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 11:02pm / Canada (Northwest Territories) / Miscellaneous

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

by Swedishsummer / 05/08/2016 at 5:54pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

by dempasi / 05/06/2016 at 2:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 12:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that even though I'm marrying my fiancée in 2 weeks, I don't even love her any more. The only reason I'm doing it is because I don't want to upset her or her family, because they think I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. FML

by DoomsDay / 05/06/2016 at 10:23am / Love

Today, a boy kissed me for the first time. He then blocked me on Facebook. FML

by RandomJam124 / 05/04/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that if I take back my expensive headphones that my daughter constantly borrows, she will play porn on max volume, whether or not I have guests over. FML

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

by unmarried / 05/03/2016 at 8:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

by Sara / 05/03/2016 at 12:52pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

by insurgent / 05/03/2016 at 4:31am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Love

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my room mate has been dating is my mom. FML

by ShouldICallYouDaddy / 04/30/2016 at 7:49am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML

by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

by Dramaqueenfornothing / 04/27/2016 at 6:32pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love