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bls27's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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bls27's favorite FMLs
by deanlazore / 06/22/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML
by Anon / 05/23/2016 at 6:49am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by ash / 05/18/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML
by Char-azard / 05/17/2016 at 5:03am / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
by Confession / 05/15/2016 at 10:07pm / Belgium / Animals
Today, I found an injured rabbit by the side of the road. I was about to take it to the local vet, when my husband picked it up and casually snapped its neck. "No rabbit's worth my money" he said, forgetting that he's been a jobless moocher for over 3 years. Pass me the goddamn divorce papers. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 6:34am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by captainuniverse / 05/14/2016 at 1:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
by mcginnismr / 05/13/2016 at 6:57pm / Health
by Erin / 05/09/2016 at 10:18pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by somuchhatesolittleworld / 05/09/2016 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, for Mother's Day, I surprised my Mother with the news I that I'll be visiting in June. The last time we got to visit was 4 years ago, we live 4000 miles apart and it's a very expensive trip. She said, "No, come next June, I want to lose some more weight before seeing you." FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 11:02pm / Canada (Northwest Territories) / Miscellaneous
Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML
by Swedishsummer / 05/08/2016 at 5:54pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
by dempasi / 05/06/2016 at 2:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 12:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous