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bls27's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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bls27's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML
Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML
by bossproblems / 10/17/2016 at 2:47pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML
by anonymous / 10/01/2016 at 5:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML
by awkward / 09/26/2016 at 5:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by b.fritz / 09/24/2016 at 6:02am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by Loose Ends / 09/14/2016 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML
by Torbey / 09/13/2016 at 11:49pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2016 at 11:18am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a bar with my girlfriend, and I noticed an obnoxious guy from college I used to hang out with. I tried to avoid eye contact, but all of a sudden he shouted, "There's the guy who puked his margarita back into the glass!" Everyone stared. Yup, that was me, just last week. FML
by Noah / 08/16/2016 at 2:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/16/2016 at 12:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by Bg2466 / 08/14/2016 at 11:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I received an "I miss you" text from my ex of 4 months, who I still love dearly and would give anything to get back together with. Yesterday, I slept with his best friend, convinced I'd never hear from my ex again. FML
by mpetitto / 08/14/2016 at 8:44pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love
Today, I was practicing for a Cambodian ceremony. I'm American. My fiancée is Cambodian. While doing the practice, I had six people in my face telling me what to do, all at the same time. I got frustrated and accidentally blurted out, "This is fucking retarded." Now the whole family is mad at me. FML
by rcoale1983 / 08/14/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Love