About bewareimannoyed : Just an average teenager. I like going on my laptop, and sleeping. Also, my life is crap.
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bewareimannoyed's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
by shizzy09 / 04/13/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by nothing / 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
by funnyguyNOT / 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML
by Hotsauce887 / 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML
by enriquegay / 03/28/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
by badmom / 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML
by nick / 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Holidays
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
by dizzlewizzle / 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML
by None / 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by iFail / 01/29/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and… Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split… Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good…