About beemoo : I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac, so, while I wait ever-so patiently for sleep to take me, I read FML's in bed.
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beemoo's favorite FMLs
by Gross... / 08/16/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
by brittbrat4 / 08/13/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
by Coldsnap / 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
by plantfood / 08/06/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
by Ima_Moronski / 07/25/2011 at 11:35pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
by flipnazn / 07/15/2011 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Username / 06/07/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2011 at 11:07pm / United States / Animals
Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2011 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Animals
by nightDREAMERms / 04/23/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by sosadstudent / 04/20/2011 at 4:52pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML
by ouchiee / 04/07/2011 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…