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Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50463) - you deserved it (5375)
On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15343) - you deserved it (27820)
On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47691) - you deserved it (4408)
On 08/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Michelle - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47457) - you deserved it (2399)
On 08/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by kashish0711 (man) - India (Chandigarh)
Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51723) - you deserved it (4157)
On 07/26/2009 at 12:28am - love - by nosrepamai82 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42347) - you deserved it (7475)
On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16745) - you deserved it (36941)
On 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by slightlyslow (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is, being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62814) - you deserved it (9127)
On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44906) - you deserved it (11476)
On 06/29/2009 at 2:31am - love - by ipopnlok (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6468) - you deserved it (42942)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Tygastyle (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39669) - you deserved it (14691)
On 06/19/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by ilikeirishducks (woman) - Italy
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39669) - you deserved it (14691)
On 06/19/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by ilikeirishducks (woman) - Italy
Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5761) - you deserved it (43564)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:33am - misc - by stelno - United States (Michigan)
Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (12638) - you deserved it (42111)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69219) - you deserved it (2545)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:59am - health - by Casey - Sent from mobile version
Monday 17 June 2013
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