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bebefer's favorite FMLs
by dumbteacher / 11/22/2010 at 9:47am / Miscellaneous
by nothingdoes / 10/27/2010 at 1:59pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML
by fmmlll / 10/18/2010 at 4:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML
by lyssuhhhh / 09/26/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
by huwauw / 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Florida) / Love
by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML
by Fire_Crotch / 08/14/2010 at 2:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML
by notmuchfun / 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 06/30/2010 at 12:05am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
by thetalkingvagina / 06/09/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by laurenraeee / 05/25/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
by notamathematician / 03/07/2010 at 5:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML
by koolkidx3 / 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy…