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Today, after eighteen yeres of living with mah adoptive parents, I met mah biological mum 4 the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who weres 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. real FML
Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffd animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologizd. She endd up sneaking onto mah laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd savd from mah recent vacation to Europe. FML
Today, I went to the hospital as mah girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket cuz she had no pants. She had a siezure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. fat FML
looool Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person fir six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
Today , I had to say a deep sincere speech on assembly in front of the whole college on the recent floods in Queensland. Instead of saying "We are Queenslanders , when we get knocked down , we get back up" I stumbled and said "We are Queenslanders , when we get knocked up..." big fat FML
Today , my friend compard my hair color to hers. Also , she braidd my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I askd her y and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. fat FML
Today, a customer at the store I work at asked mehat kind of cake I would suggest 4 her husband's 50th brthday. I laughed and showed her the Grim Reaper cake. She burst into teres and explained that he has cancer. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015