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bebefer's favorite FMLs
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by jessi / 12/02/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Kids
by hot_shot / 11/28/2011 at 8:33pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML
by John / 11/19/2011 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 4:29am / Reserved / Health
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 2:39pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/07/2011 at 7:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
by Ryan / 08/28/2011 at 4:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML
by Miguel / 08/20/2011 at 3:40pm / United States / Geek
by single lady / 08/15/2011 at 10:45am / United States (California) / Love
by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
by girlshavepenises / 06/28/2011 at 2:39am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…