bagsoffairydust

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Offline (the 03/16/2015 at 2:51am)

bagsoffairydust

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 August 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 440
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About bagsoffairydust : Umm.
Hello there.
I would tell you about me,
But then I would have to kill you.
But,
Since I'm a trained ninja assassin,
And will kill you anyways,
Here I go.
I like pie, pie is good.
There are way too many stupid people in this world (in my opinion at least).
Nail polish is really amazing, just sayin.
I'm a cheerleader!
Not blonde and not dumb though.
Just because I'm a cheerleader, that doesn't mean I'm stupid.
You haveto have good grades to play sports and I am proud to say I have all A's!
I'm crazier than anyone you'll ever meet.
Don't forget to tell your refridgerator that you love them and appreciate what they do for you.

bagsoffairydust's page activity

Visits<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 4:54am<b>annielies</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 4:42am<b>draftskink</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 5:58pm<b>Anthonymm2</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 2:03am<b>giggles98</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 11:31am<b>missalyssaxo</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 1:43pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 3:30pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 02/19/2014 at 12:50am<b>Broadway_Vayne</b> - the 08/12/2013 at 10:41am<b>guitardude69</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 7:48pm<b>ultrabigasstaco</b> - the 03/20/2013 at 8:54am<b>CorruptAngel920</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 8:11pm<b>seeoseek</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 5:56pm<b>Driblets</b> - the 01/08/2013 at 3:32pm<b>CorwinOfAmber</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 2:38am<b>GothickNihilist</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 8:27pm<b>VolleyAly</b> - the 12/29/2012 at 6:05pm

bagsoffairydust's FML badges

The Mixer

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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bagsoffairydust's favorite FMLs

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food. After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down towards his crotch. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to my scrotum because it gets sweaty and sticks to my leg." FML

by scrotumscratcher / 07/25/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 5:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

by LadyLump / 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

by WTF / 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm / United States (Texas) / Kids