About bagsoffairydust : Umm.
I would tell you about me,
But then I would have to kill you.
Since I'm a trained ninja assassin,
And will kill you anyways,
Here I go.
I like pie, pie is good.
There are way too many stupid people in this world (in my opinion at least).
Nail polish is really amazing, just sayin.
I'm a cheerleader!
Not blonde and not dumb though.
Just because I'm a cheerleader, that doesn't mean I'm stupid.
You haveto have good grades to play sports and I am proud to say I have all A's!
I'm crazier than anyone you'll ever meet.
Don't forget to tell your refridgerator that you love them and appreciate what they do for you.
About bagsoffairydust : Umm.
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bagsoffairydust's favorite FMLs
by elissak / 12/07/2014 at 1:58am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML
by Brody89 / 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food. After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down towards his crotch. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to my scrotum because it gets sweaty and sticks to my leg." FML
by scrotumscratcher / 07/25/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 5:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML
by LadyLump / 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML
by WTF / 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm / United States (Texas) / Kids