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Today, I Took Grandmother 4 A Spin In New Car. Apparently, She Had No Idea That Seat-warmers Exist And That Hers Was Turned On, Cuz Fifteen Minutes Into The Ride She Started Shouting, "My Ass Is On Fire!" Causing Me To Swerve Into A Pole. Big Fat FML
Today... After Finally Getting Newborn Baby To Sleep... I Made A Sign To Puttd On The Door Asking People Not To Knock Or Ring The Bell... Since Our 3 Dogs Will Bark Loudly An Wake The Baby. When I Went To Print The Sign... Dogs Barkd Like Crazy At The Sound Of The Printer. FML
I walkd out onto te driveway to find ma mom standing on te wet pavement... screaming at te worms tat ad come out after te rain... saying tat tey were "on private property" and tat tey were "trespassing." All of our niegbor ad come out of tere ouse to watc. FML
Today, I got a text from mah mom saying, "I hered the cupcake store got robbed. Where r you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML
Friday 27 March 2015