Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

awkward_turtles

Search for a member

awkward_turtles

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2751
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

awkward_turtles's page activity

Visits<b>beararm</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 5:57pm<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 5:03am<b>Emelka</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 9:23pm<b>xAmybbx</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 9:33am<b>VivaLaColdplay</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 4:49pm<b>BrandyFaye</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 8:04pm<b>brewmasterg</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 9:06pm<b>Stylin_Since_97</b> - the 08/08/2011 at 4:47pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 07/13/2011 at 7:43pm<b>babygirl1023</b> - the 05/27/2011 at 7:15pm

awkward_turtles's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

awkward_turtles's favorite FMLs

I was on the subway head bobbing to mah favorite track when the guy across from me gets up... punches me in the face an says... "Don't nod at mah wife lyk that." FML

#19113390
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28699) - you deserved it (3512)

On 02/19/2012 at 6:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

yesterday my boyfriend poked me on Facebook!! I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks!! FML

#19112130
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25592) - you deserved it (4383)

On 02/19/2012 at 12:40am - love - by Skullie - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and fakd being stood up, just so I could eat there breadsticks. FML

#19101207
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36230) - you deserved it (5591)

On 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by 97 (woman) - United States

Today, I Took Grandmother 4 A Spin In New Car. Apparently, She Had No Idea That Seat-warmers Exist And That Hers Was Turned On, Cuz Fifteen Minutes Into The Ride She Started Shouting, "My Ass Is On Fire!" Causing Me To Swerve Into A Pole. Big Fat FML

#19099160
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25819) - you deserved it (6912)

On 02/17/2012 at 8:25am - misc - by BOOP - United States (Montana)

Today , I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice looool to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

#19098452
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21237) - you deserved it (1877)

On 02/17/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today... After Finally Getting Newborn Baby To Sleep... I Made A Sign To Puttd On The Door Asking People Not To Knock Or Ring The Bell... Since Our 3 Dogs Will Bark Loudly An Wake The Baby. When I Went To Print The Sign... Dogs Barkd Like Crazy At The Sound Of The Printer. FML

#19094403
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26255) - you deserved it (9280)

On 02/16/2012 at 4:42pm - kids - by TiredMom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

TODAY, I STARTD SPEAKING GIBBERISH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONVERSATION WITH MOM TO SEE IF SHE WOULD NOTICE. SHE DIDN'T. FML

#19088881
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24106) - you deserved it (2689)

On 02/15/2012 at 8:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

I walkd out onto te driveway to find ma mom standing on te wet pavement... screaming at te worms tat ad come out after te rain... saying tat tey were "on private property" and tat tey were "trespassing." All of our niegbor ad come out of tere ouse to watc. FML

#19085397
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26544) - you deserved it (1963)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

#19073057
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23352) - you deserved it (6006)

On 02/14/2012 at 10:32am - love - by crazytown62 - United States

Today, I got a text from mah mom saying, "I hered the cupcake store got robbed. Where r you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

#19062994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25052) - you deserved it (4619)

On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)

Today, I raalizad that I probably hava angar issuas . I cummad to this conclusion aftar I finishad scraaming abusa at tha looool microwava 4 baaping bafora I could hit tha off switch . FML

#19058382
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8688) - you deserved it (25999)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:50pm - misc - by fuck teh poleese (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, mah dog attackd me cuz I had a chicken costume on for a party . I'm currently in a hospital, dressd as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance . FML

#19046512
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25365) - you deserved it (4183)

On 02/11/2012 at 5:19am - animals - by lulu - United States (Ohio)

Today, after I spent nearly tree ours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a sit . FML

#19032075
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24296) - you deserved it (3630)

On 02/09/2012 at 1:37am - animals - by A (woman) - United States

Today I ad a tecnical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to elp te patient defecate but my opening sentence cummed out as: "Hello I'm Jan. I'm ere to elp you take a sit." FML

#19030539
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20742) - you deserved it (9334)

On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands

Today, mah girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorse are real. She insist that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. mega FML

#19011478
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37176) - you deserved it (4298)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:52pm - animals - by BoringFucker (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: