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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 5521
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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awkward_turtles's page activity

Visits<b>redstone7693</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:02pm<b>Jenn_Ohio</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 12:58am<b>beararm</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 5:57pm<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 5:03am<b>Emelka</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 9:23pm<b>xAmybbx</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 9:33am<b>VivaLaColdplay</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 4:49pm<b>BrandyFaye</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 8:04pm<b>brewmasterg</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 9:06pm<b>Stylin_Since_97</b> - the 08/08/2011 at 4:47pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 07/13/2011 at 7:43pm<b>babygirl1023</b> - the 05/27/2011 at 7:15pm

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awkward_turtles's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 6:17am / United States / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

by Skullie / 02/19/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML

by 97 / 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

by BOOP / 02/17/2012 at 8:25am / United States (Montana) / Transportation

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2012 at 3:01am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

by TiredMom / 02/16/2012 at 4:42pm / United States (Louisiana) / Kids

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

by crazytown62 / 02/14/2012 at 10:32am / United States / Love

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

by cieee / 02/13/2012 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

by fuck teh poleese / 02/12/2012 at 4:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

by lulu / 02/11/2012 at 5:19am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

by A / 02/09/2012 at 1:37am / United States / Animals

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

by Silver_Samurai / 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm / Netherlands / Work

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

by BoringFucker / 02/06/2012 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Animals