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awkward_turtles

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awkward_turtles
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1567
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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awkward_turtles's favorite FMLs

Today, I locked myself out of the house. After hours of ringing the doorbell and calling my roommate, I decided to break the window. When I finally got in, my roommate was waiting with a can of pepper spray. FML

Today, I was so bored that I spent two hours researching the history of spoons. FML

#19293540
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19402) - you deserved it (6684)

On 03/17/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said "nah". FML

#19288691
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16422) - you deserved it (1666)

On 03/16/2012 at 1:24pm - health - by jarv49 (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

#19288594
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20807) - you deserved it (12872)

On 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

#19287626
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38857) - you deserved it (3175)

On 03/16/2012 at 6:38am - love - by elisabeth_pwnes - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

#19287473
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (1623)

On 03/16/2012 at 5:02am - misc - by disgusted - United States

Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML

#19286997
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8380) - you deserved it (18174)

On 03/16/2012 at 2:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML

#19285505
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29567) - you deserved it (4161)

On 03/15/2012 at 10:21pm - love - by spermbankonlegs (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

#19285131
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23299) - you deserved it (6312)

On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML

#19283430
192 comments

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

#19281835
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27123) - you deserved it (3039)

On 03/15/2012 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

#19276120
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27411) - you deserved it (17380)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

#19271086
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (3467)

On 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm - health - by PixieWrists - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

#19271086
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (3467)

On 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm - health - by PixieWrists - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32886) - you deserved it (5253)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)



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