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awkward_turtles

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awkward_turtles

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  • Number of visits : 1865
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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awkward_turtles's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

#14618568
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24967) - you deserved it (6857)

On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

#14616201
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26658) - you deserved it (3850) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

#14413679
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25308) - you deserved it (5708)

On 12/31/2010 at 8:16pm - misc - by edulover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity. It turns out I'm just ugly. FML

#13990251
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33187) - you deserved it (2647)

On 11/26/2010 at 7:23pm - misc - by bleh (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

#13971755
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27248) - you deserved it (2405)

On 11/25/2010 at 5:25am - work - by Peter -

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20119) - you deserved it (58936)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was called to reports of a drunk and disorderly male. I arrived to discover a drunk man having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me me and shouted 'God save the Queen'. It's then that I remembered that it's my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (3018)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I woke up to a broken window and 3 guys sitting in my living room watching TV. FML

#13413623
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34135) - you deserved it (2644)

On 10/11/2010 at 11:06pm - misc - by anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

#11008836
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12958) - you deserved it (30075)

On 06/06/2010 at 12:00pm - love - by CrazzY88s - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

#10727772
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31342) - you deserved it (7083)

On 05/24/2010 at 2:13am - love - by gedderdunn - Reserved

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

#8250331
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8494) - you deserved it (32838)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by CrappyValentine (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

#8250331
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8494) - you deserved it (32838)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by CrappyValentine (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)



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