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ashleymalee

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ashleymalee

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 689
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ashleymalee's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

#19233138
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (2097)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:24pm - work - by Me - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

#19227433
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11623) - you deserved it (19096)

On 03/06/2012 at 2:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

#19218186
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28056) - you deserved it (2525)

On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - work - by cero_kewl - United States

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

#19208526
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12267) - you deserved it (27349)

On 03/03/2012 at 11:12am - health - by Buttscratcher (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29143) - you deserved it (9278)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML

#19207356
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20683) - you deserved it (3192)

On 03/03/2012 at 3:27am - health - by fingerhut - United States (California)

Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML

#19203971
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10382) - you deserved it (28363)

On 03/02/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by Ashleigh - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

#19200662
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20193) - you deserved it (3935)

On 03/02/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by smellybelly (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML

#19188132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8413) - you deserved it (18561)

On 02/29/2012 at 9:49am - misc - by jake (man) - United States

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

#19179734
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21571) - you deserved it (3879)

On 02/28/2012 at 12:19am - misc - by malloreigh (woman) - Australia

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35046) - you deserved it (5315)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, I was writing my rough draft of an essay, and I forgot how to spell a word. I waited for auto correct to help. I was writing on paper. FML

#19144925
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10956) - you deserved it (39382)

On 02/23/2012 at 8:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

#19120522
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7486) - you deserved it (28748)

On 02/20/2012 at 2:41am - misc - by OhMyWhitney - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24859) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

#19091480
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19957) - you deserved it (4117)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:43am - animals - by parkertownparadise (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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