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articwolf2

Offline (the 08/10/2014 at 1:41am) | Search for a member

articwolf2

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 December 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 195
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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articwolf2's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

#20956092
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54240) - you deserved it (3201)

On 11/13/2013 at 6:08am - kids - by little_star78 - United States (Michigan)

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26502) - you deserved it (52946)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43304) - you deserved it (5254)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

#20919140
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36367) - you deserved it (12276)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by HSampsON (man) - Niger (Niamey)

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

#20917903
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42446) - you deserved it (23952)

On 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

#20909114
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46067) - you deserved it (6557)

On 10/06/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61531) - you deserved it (7222)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

#20898181
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66806) - you deserved it (4064)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51565) - you deserved it (18775)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

#20828908
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50812) - you deserved it (4504)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47470) - you deserved it (17735)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49412) - you deserved it (40422)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

#20792358
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50166) - you deserved it (3695)

On 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

#20784225
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46437) - you deserved it (4178)

On 07/15/2013 at 1:25pm - misc - by helpme - Canada (Ontario)



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