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anonymousempress

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anonymousempress

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 January 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 223
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About anonymousempress : funny loves a good laugh, interesting ,will mess you up if you get out of hand

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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

anonymousempress's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

#16313675
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35820) - you deserved it (8592)

On 05/23/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Jon - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my 3-year-long dry spell was about to end. A lovely lady over for dinner, good food, wine and lots of laughs. Things heated up nicely in the bedroom when a playful wrestle made my bed shift, snapping two of its legs. The bed collapsed, totally ruining the mood. The dry spell continues. FML

#16310118
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37680) - you deserved it (5717)

On 05/23/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Badaboom (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

#16303976
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32863) - you deserved it (18323)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm - kids - by Fatty1970 - United States (Florida)

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

#16294930
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16439) - you deserved it (63742)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:53am - money - by Derek Lee - United States (California)

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41896) - you deserved it (5613)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after three unsuccessful months of trying to make me orgasm, my boyfriend finally succeeded. It came from his car bumping up and down while we drove down a pot-holed road. FML

#16283076
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38101) - you deserved it (5592)

On 05/21/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by hahanosirr (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

#16237035
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41214) - you deserved it (3419)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by nicknick2 (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

#16168666
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110907) - you deserved it (15442)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

#16157379
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28895) - you deserved it (5312)

On 05/13/2011 at 12:23pm - animals - by crazycat - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

#15162100
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13423) - you deserved it (40597)

On 03/01/2011 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

#14460417
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44511) - you deserved it (5363)

On 01/04/2011 at 5:56am - intimacy - by LoveMyNewBro -

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

#13927798
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17574) - you deserved it (48513)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)



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