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andelizastrin

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andelizastrin
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 23122
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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andelizastrin's favorite FMLs

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

#598491
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67890) - you deserved it (5011)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80713) - you deserved it (30129)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
515 comments

I agree, your life sucks (227072) - you deserved it (29233)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26325) - you deserved it (103173)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

#458793
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8080) - you deserved it (72258)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by skywayavenue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

#415809
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92130) - you deserved it (42632)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

#297200
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10134) - you deserved it (67837)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128577) - you deserved it (19247)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48816) - you deserved it (299961)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48816) - you deserved it (299961)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21629) - you deserved it (71659)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon. As I was throwing the applicator away, I felt a sharp pain around my vagina; I looked down to find him swatting at the tampon string. FML

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

#245374
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59846) - you deserved it (18350)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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