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amintzzy's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
by Dead_Fox / 11/21/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
by Jo / 11/21/2012 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Geek
by Anonymous / 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
by Brian / 11/20/2012 at 10:50am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm / United States (California) / Love
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by crazycatlady / 11/19/2012 at 11:15am / United States / Animals
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
by nextcontestant16 / 11/19/2012 at 10:12am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
by jasmith / 11/18/2012 at 2:45am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML
by creys / 11/18/2012 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
by mfischer / 11/16/2012 at 4:40am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
by WentInABush / 11/15/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- Today I received a phone call for a reservation (I'm a B&B owner) for 12 firefighters (he said they… Today my boss asked us to cut stickers when we weren't busy. I work in a call center at night and… Today, I just found out that my little brother likes to peak through the crack of the bathroom door…