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amintzzy's favorite FMLs
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/17/2012 at 3:17am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy
by emchocolat / 12/16/2012 at 11:55am / Europe / Miscellaneous
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML
by lingling / 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by mysidesaresplitting / 12/14/2012 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 7:37am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML
by meranda_johnson / 12/13/2012 at 3:58am / United States / Health
by Renzy / 12/12/2012 at 1:32pm / Kids
Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML
by dino0123 / 12/12/2012 at 12:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Saduglydad / 12/12/2012 at 11:05am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML
by LearnGeographyUSA / 12/12/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by slenderman908 / 12/10/2012 at 6:41am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
by Tonguetied0496 / 12/10/2012 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Love
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…