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amintzzy's favorite FMLs
Today, my roommate came back drunk from rushing fraternities. Normally I wouldn't have minded, had he not immediately pissed and thrown up everywhere after entering the room. If only I had moved my guitar and the suitcase full of clothes I had left out after returning from break. FML
by EsotericBrent / 01/09/2013 at 1:50am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Holidays
by life// / 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
by finallyready / 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML
by anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 7:21pm / United States / Love
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
by wetsheets / 01/07/2013 at 8:01am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 6:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
by Raela / 01/04/2013 at 11:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 5:30am / United States (Kansas) / Health
by _The__Doctor_ / 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 6:16am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by melas303 / 12/29/2012 at 7:22pm / United States / Love
by killme / 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…