About amifaiyaz : I never know how to write these things.. pretty much a crazy cat lady in the making, I'm your everyday city girl living in the middle of a desert for a decade. FMLs make my mornings, right before I ride my camel to school.
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amifaiyaz's favorite FMLs
Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm / United States (Delaware) / Intimacy
Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML
by Twysted91 / 12/27/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by is_that_right / 12/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML
by SupposedlyAverage / 12/27/2014 at 9:55am / United States / Love
Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
by If IQs could be negative... / 12/26/2014 at 2:28pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:36pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
by whovian / 12/25/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by VCDUDE11FTW / 12/25/2014 at 4:13am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by single / 12/24/2014 at 4:49pm / United States (Utah) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 3:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 4:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…