About amifaiyaz : I never know how to write these things.. pretty much a crazy cat lady in the making, I'm your everyday city girl living in the middle of a desert for a decade. FMLs make my mornings, right before I ride my camel to school.
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amifaiyaz's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML
by anon / 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by good2know / 01/09/2015 at 6:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Health
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/07/2015 at 2:37pm / Guam / Love
by shittysituation / 01/05/2015 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by myboyfriendisweird / 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML
by thxmom / 01/04/2015 at 12:25pm / United States (Utah) / Health
Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML
by boss stabber / 01/04/2015 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML
by allgassedout / 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML
by CK95 / 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ButtWorthSingingBout / 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat / 01/01/2015 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/31/2014 at 3:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML
by skanula414 / 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…