About amifaiyaz : I never know how to write these things.. pretty much a crazy cat lady in the making, I'm your everyday city girl living in the middle of a desert for a decade. FMLs make my mornings, right before I ride my camel to school.
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amifaiyaz's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 11:16am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML
by pda / 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML
by Hannahb17 / 08/23/2013 at 6:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML
by WTF / 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 3:37pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Miscellaneous
Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
by peniswoman / 07/14/2013 at 1:03pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Intimacy
Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML
by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 12:13am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
by fuck / 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anna / 07/13/2013 at 12:40am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
by So little trust. / 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…