About amifaiyaz : I never know how to write these things.. pretty much a crazy cat lady in the making, I'm your everyday city girl living in the middle of a desert for a decade. FMLs make my mornings, right before I ride my camel to school.
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amifaiyaz's favorite FMLs
by facebookdeception / 10/31/2014 at 12:25am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by taylor w / 10/30/2014 at 10:32pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 6:16pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML
by lady parts / 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML
by socreepedouticanteven / 10/26/2014 at 8:05pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML
by mellielynnemily / 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm / United States / Love
Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
by Bob H. / 10/26/2014 at 9:54am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML
by anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by pyrogypsy / 10/23/2014 at 9:05pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
by Alexismaria / 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm / United States / Kids
- Today, under the Northern Lights of the Arctic Circle, I presented my girlfriend with an engagement… Today, I was getting frisky with my girlfriend. It was going well until we had to put our clothes… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or…