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alunamoon's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML
by Anonymous / 02/20/2013 at 2:31am / United States / Love
Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
by jealouspussy / 02/20/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Lois / 02/09/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
by I think its dead / 01/15/2013 at 2:33am / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
by Mary / 01/13/2013 at 10:49am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML
by Les Miserables is so sad / 01/02/2013 at 6:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by oh my son / 12/23/2012 at 1:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML
by divingconfidence / 12/22/2012 at 6:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 11:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
- Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for… Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked… Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform…